"The entire Universe consists of Love,
anything otherwise is a cry for help."
- Rumi
anything otherwise is a cry for help."
- Rumi
I know it sounds like an overly simplistic way of viewing the world, but if you put it to the test in every day life, it starts to make sense. That pitbull father at your daughter's basketball game? He's acting out of fear. Why? Who knows -- maybe his own father used to tear him down after he lost a basketball game and he can't stand to see his daughter lose? The why's may be tough to come by, but understanding the what -- the fear -- makes it easier to have sympathy on someone when their behavior is beyond the bounds of humanity. That asshole in the boardroom who insists on peppering you with questions? Maybe he's afraid for his job. Maybe he lied on his resume and fears people will somehow discover he's not the Ivy League rock star he claims. The arrogant doctor? The brat on the playground who's harassing your kid? Fear, fear, fear.
Imagine a cat backed into a corner. Picture the arch of his spine, the hissing. Sure, he'll go on the offensive and bite if provoked further. He'll "act mad" if you try to grab him. But isn't that spitting cat just trying to tell you he's afraid?
"But, Deb," you protest, "There are a myriad of other emotions in the world that have nothing to do with fear or love." I challenge you to name one that cannot be traced back to love or fear.
Now that we've agreed I'm right (as usual), here's another challenge: step outside of yourself tomorrow and watch your own behavior. How do you speak to your kids? What tone do you take with your spouse? Are you operating from fear or love? You can make the choice. I can make the choice, and as I think about it a little, I need to make the better choice more often. Maybe telling that city street maintenance guy to "STFU" the other day in San Francisco when he cut me off wasn't out of love... although it sure felt like it at the time.
*Many thanks to BMG Mom and Cardiogirl for the inspiration.
12 comments:
That's a really interesting take on it, Deb. I can see that most of the jackholes I deal with are insecure/afraid. But I'm still in a transitional period and I'm not quite sure I can work from a point of understand at all times.
However, it was illuminating. Thanks for the shout out!
As usual, Deb, you got me -- hook, line and sinker. I mean, I totally buy that whole concept. I remember hearing that notion explained to me years and years ago. I'm glad you brought it back & reminded me of it.
It really does help me to feel (a teeny bit of) compassion for the guy (although I still hate what his daughter did to my daughter -- of course, that statement itself comes from my fear of her being seriously hurt, though, right?).
Now that we're past the incident, though, I can think more objectively about what you're saying and see your point.
I'll take your challenge, too and watch how I speak to my kids, hubby (and dog!) tomorrow. I often try to remind myself that each reaction really is my choice, but it's so darn hard sometimes (especially when I'm exhausted) to choose, for example, calm assertiveness over anger (originating from fear). Know what I mean?
Thanks for this wonderful post (and for the props!).
I'm so glad you're back (and that, of course, is coming from a place of love!)!
;-)
Yeah, I've heard of this and have been thinking about it a lot. I'm not sure I believe it though. I have times when I'm frothing at the mouth and cannot trace it to any kernel of fear.
But perhaps I'm just unenlightened about my emotions.
Angie
www.AllAdither.com
Oh sure! Make me take an honest look at the reason I say the things I do! I am not entirely comfortable with this, but I'll try. (That was said out of fear. And the fact that I know you're right.)
so true. I love the challenge to us as readers. i needed that. Thanks!
I completely agree. I've actually been thinking about a political post along the same theme, and I really like how you put this. My issue is how this administration has been exploiting the emotion of fear for its own gain since 9/11. I know its a major tangent from your post, but it all stems from the same thing. Those who speak of what we can aspire to do come from love while those who exploit our worst fears... come from fear.
Trying to blind me with the font eh?
When I say STFU, it is always in the nicest way. Remember, I am a lover, not a fighter.
See, NOW I understand David Cassidy, completely!
"...I think I love you, so what am I so afraid of? I'm afraid that I'm not sure of a love there is no cure for..."
LOL, sorry, the smart ass in me was afraid she wouldn't get a turn...
Wise words, honey, as always. Thanks for the reminder of being aware of how we treat others...
Definitely gives me something to think about. I know that there are times when I get mad at my kids or husband because of an incident I can't control that they aren't responsible for either. Thanks for the post.
Fascinating...going to have to mull that over for awhile.
Thank you for this!
yes. i was *fearful* that my daughter wouldn't get enough sleep. and i was *fearful* that *i* would never get to sleep. that's why i shouted at her to go the hell to sleep.
jokes aside, this was a great reminder to step back a bit. i promise to try to try.
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